QUESTION: Masters I wish to have sexual satisfaction in my life, but my wife is the biggest prude in the world. We can’t even talk about sex or flirt with each other she is so prudish. We stayed together because we both had low expectations. But now we have a beautiful daughter, and I don’t want her to not grow up with a family because I know how damaging that can be. What do I do about my sexual frustration? Married to a prude feels like spiritual death to me. ~JP, Canada
ANSWER: You chose to marry this woman so that the lesson of honoring yourself could be practiced. Your low expectations of life and marriage show your lack of confidence and self-worth. If you work on understanding and dealing with these lessons, you will see your life change completely. Your desire for sexual satisfaction will not be able to be obtained until your self-image is modified.
There is no way that you can change the way your wife approaches her life unless she chooses to change. You are to some degree as prudish as she is, except in your dreams, because you have participated in this sexual void for so many years. You claim it was because of low expectations, but it was really from fear. You are afraid of what others besides your wife will think of you and how they will respond to your sexual thoughts.
You overcame your tendencies, at least on one occasion, or you would not have your beautiful daughter. Staying in this tension-filled household with the desire to share your daughter’s life may not be the best way to raise her. Children are acutely aware of strain between their parents and react to it in many ways including acting out, depression, and mimicking the behavior of their parents. You will be showing her what a dysfunctional family is like – not a happy, contented one.
If you choose to remove yourself from this unhappy marriage, in search of a truly sexual sharing relationship, it will allow your daughter to see a functioning, happy couple at least during the time she spends with you. Stop making excuses for depriving yourself of a normal functional lifestyle and choose to live.
Visualize what type of a person you know you can be, and then bring a sexual partner into your life. If you convince yourself you have no choice but to remain with your wife, then you have no chance of creating any different energy around yourself, which includes a continuation of the sexual void you now know so well. The choice is yours.