Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

From self-employed to employee

Tuesday, March 13th, 2018

QUESTION: Masters, I am working for a boss rather than in private practice for the first time in years. I feel anxious that I am being asked to do too much, that I am being ‘put down’ and that there is a lot of resentment in the workplace. How do I differentiate between what of this is my own old patterns manifesting and what is the boss’s? Can I make this employment relationship a happy and respectful one? ~Catherine, Australia

ANSWER: You are your own worst enemy. You have so many expectations of how the business should be run, based on the way you have run your own in the past, that you think you know what is best for your boss and what the other employees should do and how they should treat you. When someone is responsible for the work ethic of a team of employees, they expect the same type of effort by all the employees.

Based on the performance of past workers, your boss knows what each should be capable of. You used to spend more time with clients than this business allots to each. This makes you think that the boss is making unreasonable demands when that is not the case. The other employees think you are snooty and don’t want to see as many people as they do. They equate your behavior with a standoffish superiority.

When someone is paying you to work for them, you have to follow their rules and regulations or it will never be comfortable for either one of you. To “fit in” and feel a part of the organization, you must learn what is expected. If you do not like their way of doing business, look elsewhere.

Watch the way the other employees handle their clients and see if you want to adapt to the same structure. The other workers have never run their own business and do not understand that there are many ways to deal with clients. The choice is yours if you want to comply with the expectations of the boss or not.

Reality vs. dreams and expectations

Tuesday, March 6th, 2018

QUESTION: Masters, I desperately need your advice regarding my husband. Since embarking on a career in management nothing seems to last. It all starts well then all goes downhill and it’s over. Is he choosing the wrong path or is it due to a personality trait as I suspect. He’s very rigid on rules and uncompromising. He seems to have very unrealistic standards and can rub people the wrong way. He’s also OCD. He’s doing his best to change but I know it’s difficult for him. He can be very caring but hasn’t got a lot of empathy for people but is very different with our pet dog. Has he come down with a personality trait that can explain his behavior as he seems to view things from a very different perspective to other people. ~Jo, England

[Note: OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder]

ANSWER: Management positions deal with coordinating employees for the benefit of the company. A manager must be able to read his people and match them up with their strengths. A person who cannot understand the characteristics and abilities of those under them will be inadequate in that position and incapable of knowing why.

In the beginning, before he has to start making decisions, all seems right within his world. When it is up to him to direct his employees, his default reasoning is controlled by his OCD, which does not take into consideration individuals’ aptitudes and sees only in degrees of black and white.

He doesn’t need to develop empathy but does need to start feeling. Until he can understand the rationale behind the behavior of others, nothing will ever appear to be right with him.

He came down to see if he could ever put himself into the place of another to understand how many ways there are to consider things. He has never accomplished that but has simply developed his own way of living without emotional interaction and being totally rigid within the confines of his OCD.

He functions well with animals because he allows himself to identify with their needs for love and dependency. They pose no threat to him, his impression of himself, or the security of his job. Since people can speak up and criticize his performance, they are always able to undermine his position.

If he wants to complete this lesson, he needs to be more aware of interpersonal relations through using feelings. Otherwise, looking into another type of work will be necessary for long-term employment.

What do relatives owe each other?

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018

QUESTION: Masters, I’ve always felt unloved by my mother. After my father left us almost two decades ago, I supported her, and I had a house built for us both, which she hated. Three years ago, she moved to a sister of hers’ house in a town far from mine. Two months ago, I (44) was ill in hospital. I begged her (77) to come help me which she refused, and I broke off relations with her by phone. Three weeks later my aunt accidentally hit her with a car. After 28 days of unbelievable suffering in intensive therapy in hospital, she passed away on December 27. I was not able to go to her funeral. Why so much suffering for her? Has she ever loved me? Is she in a good place now? What was the lesson for us? I think I will go crazy, being treated for panic syndrome now. ~Daniela, Brazil

ANSWER: Stop being so hard on yourself and taking responsibility for the choices that your mother made. Your father left because he could not deal with her demands any longer. She wanted to be taken care of but refused to appreciate or even consider liking anything that was not her complete idea from the beginning.

She chose to be an unhappy, manipulative, negative person in this lifetime. She wanted to see how far she could push others to meet her desires. She was incapable of “love” because she did not know what it was. She felt no obligation to anybody but herself.

Secretly she liked the house you had built, but she could never tell you because that would mean she would have to admit you did something right – a concept she could not condone. You were becoming too independent for her and no longer feared her and catered to her every whim, so she left.

In the beginning after your father left, you felt abandoned and wanted to hold on to a degree of security, which was your remaining parent. You walked around afraid all the time that you could not please her, one of the reasons you assigned to your own behavior in partially blaming yourself for the departure of your father. As time went on and you became more confident that this had nothing to do with you, your mother felt her influence disappear.

As far as she was concerned, as soon as she left your house you no longer existed for her since you weren’t taking care of her any longer. So, when you called, it was like a stranger off the street asking for assistance, which she saw no reason to provide. For you, cutting the ties was honoring yourself and no longer putting up with her selfishness.

Her suffering through this life was based on choices she made. She chose to live a life completely in negative energy, without love or connection. She never saw you as worthy of love, even to the degree she understood it. She has returned to the unconditional love energy of Source but has still not allowed herself to integrate back into it. Her guides are assisting her.

You need to realize that everything is based on choices for lessons. One of your lessons was to finally see that there was nothing more you could do for the woman who was your mother, and to love yourself enough to walk away. Now let go of all the “what ifs” that are plaguing you, causing the panic. Love yourself, and love the soul that was inside your mother for the horrible lessons it subjected itself to during this life. Look for the love in your soul and in the world; be at peace.