QUESTION: Masters, I have been off work for close to a year after having a baby. I do not want to return to my high-pressured (albeit good-paying) job because I feel a higher calling towards raising my child. I believe it is spiritually important work. However, my husband has been out of work for a long time and we have been relying on our savings which are now running out. I have been grateful for his availability and support throughout my pregnancy and during the intense times of the birth and afterwards as we dealt with the medical condition of our child. We were so lucky we could afford the time together as a family, but now I am worried about finances. I don’t want to go back to work, but he doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere in his job search. Please shed some light on our situation. ~BT, Australia
You have a very precious bundle of joy in your home who has two parents who are very concerned and loving. In your mind it is now the mother’s duty to be the primary caregiver, but your husband is willing to do that as well. He has found it so fulfilling being at home with his child that unconsciously he is sabotaging interviews for employment. He would never do anything to harm your standard of living, but he wants as much “daddy” time as he can get.
It is a spiritually rewarding endeavor to help direct the path of another. It does not have to be done full time. You have extremely strong feelings toward your child and are getting to the point of not wanting to share. This would be easy if you were not in this with your husband, so it is time to sit down and take a good look at the physical reality of your situation.
Both of you would prefer to continue the way it has been for the last year. Neither of you has been completely honest with the other about your desire to remain at home. You need to figure out a budget of the minimum that you need to get by. Then consider the possibility of both working part time outside the house. There also is the ability for you to work from home. Stop thinking in the conventional terms of your history; be creative.