QUESTION: Masters, I met a guy last year on the internet and we seemed to have a great mental connection. In the early months, we felt lot of chemistry, but then he started to push me out a little bit. I understand that he wants to be free, but I feel Love in my heart and we get on so well that maybe he is the one. I feel that I’m learning a lot. Don’t know if I’m giving more value than I should be giving. Sometimes, I feel that I’m being used, because I help him with studies and work. When I’m sad and I keep myself away, He seems to have fear that I break contact with him, and tries to make everything ok again. I can’t feel angry for a long time. I’m just trying to keep it going to see what will happen. ~M., Brazil
ANSWER: You are desperate to find a love interest and you have become fixated on your Internet buddy. He led you on in the beginning because he felt your “need” through the messages. The “chemistry” you thought you felt was someone telling you exactly what you wanted to hear. He was setting you up to become dependent on his words so that you would start doing work for him.
The desire to stay free is because he is already committed to someone in the flesh and doesn’t want a lovesick puppy to disturb that in any fashion. You have been following his instructions to the letter and he revels in the control he has over you. If this is sufficient for you to satisfy your need for love, then keep this one-way relationship going.
Your self-esteem is so low that you fear personal contacts. You sense that people will talk about you and disapprove of what you do, say, and wear. It is easier to talk to people from afar. You are trying to keep this going because it is all you have right now. He does fear when you don’t talk for a while because he is using you to do things for him and he doesn’t want to lose you as a resource.
Do yourself a favor and go out with friends to a club or meeting of some kind. Know who you are as an individual, and then you will no longer fear what you think others might say about you. If you don’t feel comfortable with current friends, join a class of some kind – yoga, art, music – and introduce yourself to the real world instead of the cyber world.