Archive for July 4th, 2008

Unwelcome guest

Friday, July 4th, 2008


Q: Masters, I have a male friend whom I have dated for over twenty years. He has a terrible disposition with other people but he is very good to me. When he was ill a few years ago he moved into my house so that I could take care of him, and he hasn’t left. He has maintained a condo in an adjoining community but he never stays in it. He doesn’t like my friends and is rather nasty to them, so they have stopped inviting me to go out with them. My family tolerates him for my sake. He has now gotten into fights with my neighbor, who is making my life miserable because of it. What should I do?

A: You chose a life lesson that involves learning to honor yourself and not letting yourself get controlled by others. You are gregarious and a people person. Your boyfriend is a loner experiencing a life that includes being very self-indulgent, controlling, and selfish.

When you began your relationship you were both satisfying the needs of the other. You have now reached a point in your life where you have awakened to the fact that you are as important in the scheme of things as everybody else. What happens from here on out is up to you.

As we always say, nothing is right or wrong—it is just how you choose to experience your lessons. From your question we know you have evaluated exactly what the energies are like in this relationship and now must decide whether to continue playing this scenario or move on to another.

If you remain in his cycle of control you will notice that your energy is depleted all the time because you are allowing him to take it from you. If you choose to keep your energy and use it for your own purposes, you will have to change the relationship you now have. Since it is impossible to change another individual unless they choose to change, it would mean you would have to honor yourself and leave this controlling situation.

Take your time. Make any change a gradual one until you are sure, but do what you feel is right for you alone.