Archive for May 27th, 2015

What is perfectionism?

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

QUESTION: Masters, I have struggled with perfectionism my entire life. I feel if I don’t do a great job on a task or I make multiple mistakes on something, then I have no value as a person. Any criticism on anything I do just burns me to the core. And I fear failure and ridicule as much as death. How do I overcome this? ~Matt, USA

ANSWER: You value the opinions of other people more than your own feelings. You were raised to believe in the ideas you fear. To see a different outcome to your day-to-day actions, you must change the beliefs you have about them. You lack confidence in yourself and cannot see what a fantastic person you really are, so you rely on the opinions of others. All you are aware of is a need to exceed what is humanly possible because someone thinks it might or should be so.

We would ask you what perfection is. Is it even obtainable by a typical human being? And who are the people who judge this perfection, particularly if they cannot reach it themselves? Perfectionism is an illusion because it constantly changes based upon who is doing the judging. You can see, then, how you are setting yourself an impossible task.

Your value as a person comes from your making the attempt with the attitude that you will do your best at whatever is in front of you. No one succeeds on a first try at something new. Babies fall all the time when trying to walk. Runners don’t go very fast until they have built up their stamina. Reading and mathematics were impossible until you learned the rules. Stop being so hard on yourself.

People who criticize others do it for two reasons: either to help someone see a different way around things, or to be nasty and spiteful out of jealousy. The things others say to you, or about you, can hurt you only if you allow them to. If you know you are putting in your best effort, then that is all you are capable of, and what others say is not based upon fact. You are not a miracle worker, so realize your limits and don’t let others claim you can do more. Ignore their unnecessary comments.

No one in human form is perfect. When you feel you are a failure, because you don’t consider yourself perfect, you are just kidding yourself. Doubts and fears are the signposts of life lessons on which you need to work.

Societal control

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

QUESTION: Masters, as you know, I’ve been struggling to cope with the needs of my mother. I accept that I’m looking for someone to tell me what to do and I know you won’t do that. I’m desperate to find a way to meet her needs and yet still have a life of my own. I’m confused about how selfish I’m being and how much I owe her. And one day, she won’t be here and I don’t want to have regrets then. Please can you administer a verbal kicking to me? Please, please help me. ~Karen, UK

ANSWER: Just as your mother had to accept it was necessary to cut the apron strings when you needed to go out on your own so you might grow and mature, you need to evaluate what your responsibility to her is, in reality. The wishes of your mother are to some degree very selfish. She is keeping you from living your life by her requests for your almost constant assistance.

In this period of her life she has a fear of death, and when you are around she can imagine herself as a young mother with a doting daughter. Nothing you are doing in recognizing the true situation, her age, and her health difficulties, is being selfish. There are a number of times when others are a much better aid for her than you could ever be.

When a woman has a baby, she puts a portion of her life on hold to help mold that child into a responsible adult. She has usually done everything she could to create that baby. Nothing in the equation of daughterhood calls for a reciprocal “hold” when the mother becomes dependent. You do not “owe” her for taking care of the child she wanted.

Assuring that she is adequately being taken care of does not imply that you must be the caregiver. The life you are leading is still yours and not a continuation of hers. One of your life lessons is learning to honor your journey by using self-love as a motivating factor for your actions.

You are assigning duties to yourself that you have every right, but no responsibility, to do. Everybody dies, and every soul returns Home to unconditional love to be mourned by the humans who remain in body.

Your mother is not simply the body seen before you; she is an eternal soul with whom you have made contracts to puzzle over the exact situation you face. There are no right or wrong answers or actions to this dilemma. There will be no regrets if you remember this was a group agreement and you will rehash it when together again.

Fear and procrastination

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

QUESTION: Masters. I keep experiencing obstacles whenever I want to start my work. I will get ill with flu, fever, cough and sore throat and it will take months to recover. What is the reason? Is my current job suitable for me? Will I ever experience the success I desire in my current job? If this job is not suitable, what line of work can I consider? Should I go back to engineering? What is the line of work that I am born to do? ~Worried, Singapore

ANSWER: Your body, with the assistance of your unconscious, is carrying out the thoughts you have about your job and your happiness. It is making you sick because you are therefore excused from doing your best – and sometimes from going to work at all.

While you are recovering from one of these “procrastination” illnesses, spend time in meditation. Contact your higher unconscious self and inquire what is going on with all this hesitation to continue living your life. You know you are unhappy; ask what is the reason.

Only you can determine what will make you happy. You do have the ability to accomplish anything you put sufficient energy into doing. You get discouraged, followed by lazy, and followed by hiding behind illness. You have completely depleted your immune system because your energy is drained off to fight your depression, sadness, and sense of defeat, so any passing bacteria or virus finds a welcoming, comfortable home.

You will never be able to succeed in your current job because you don’t think you can. This is sabotaging any progress you make. There is no one form of employment that a soul has planned for its trip to Earth. Part of the growth process is learning about yourself and the abilities you have.

Take a step back from your cold, hazy mind and see what feels exciting and enticing to you. Don’t be afraid to say that your current path is not serving you and it is time to move in another direction.