Archive for June 27th, 2008

Haunting memories

Friday, June 27th, 2008

A: Masters, all my life I have had a fear of men. This has prevented me from establishing any meaningful relationships. Whenever I start to get close to someone, I get this feeling that they are trying to kill me. I don’t trust anyone, particularly men. Lately every time this has happened I have seen the face of my father on the person. What is happening to me?

Q: When you were growing up, the eldest of four children, you were always put in charge. This began when you were six; naturally the responsibility that was given to you was beyond what you could handle. Every accident that happened to your siblings (and they were an uncontrolled, inquisitive lot who got into everything) was blamed on you—and you suffered the consequences. Your parents were so busy with their work that they really were overwhelmed by their youngsters. A number of times out of anger your father beat you for allowing the others to get into trouble and interrupting his work.

With a tremendous temper, and very little education that would allow for a better-paying position, your father struck out at you in frustration. Your desire was to take care of your brothers and sister but you didn’t have the experience to even take care of yourself. Since it was your father who did all the disciplining, the male figure now represents fear and punishment to you. In your immature mind, there were several times when you thought your father was going to kill or was in the process of killing you during his rages. Anytime a man gets close to you, instead of sensing an impending embrace, you sense a stranglehold and actually start physically choking.

The fact that you now see your father’s face in these situations indicates that you are ready to remember and resolve the old fears that have controlled you all these years.

When you are meditating, or in a quiet place, go back to your childhood. Call your father’s Higher Self to come and talk to you. Ask him why he reacted the way he did. Tell him the way you felt about his actions and the long-lasting effect they have had upon you. Recognize your fear for what it is, a memory and only a memory. It can no longer affect you.

Lastly, forgive yourself for not having the strength to confront the issue before now. This was a life lesson in strength and being controlled by another. It is time to move on and mark it “lesson completed.”