Difficult situation
QUESTION: Masters, I seem to be “stuck” in this marriage. I tried my best but could not love my husband fully. He expects me to be a loving and affectionate wife. When there is no love it’s rather difficult to portray a loving wife image. Often I wished for him to be out of our lives (especially when we have disputes). I often asked myself the purpose of this life for me. I rather remain quiet to maintain a non-quarrelling atmosphere for the sake of our children. He and I seem to see things differently; therefore the exchange of thoughts is often faced with quarrels. I found it difficult to live with him in this marriage. ~Lee, Singapore
ANSWER: You chose to have a life where you would have to decide whether or not to honor yourself and respect your feelings or be a mannequin. It is difficult to love someone from whom you feel no love in return. Your husband wants you to be the adoring, loving wife while he does whatever he chooses. He does not respect you and you have arrived at the point of no longer respecting yourself.
Don’t think that just because you do not argue in front of the children, they think all is well. They feel the tension in the house and are very observant. Your situation has caused you to defer to your husband’s wishes. The children see this and think it must be the right thing to do. You are therefore setting an example of allowing the man of the house to control those living within.
You have freedom of choice—so you can continue as you are or decide to change the way you live. It is important to first accept that you are as good a person, and as strong a soul, as your husband. You do not need to be treated the way you are. Your desires and thoughts are equally as important as his.
There are two kinds of love involved here. There is the spiritual love for him as a soul, which you have. Then there is the emotional human romantic love, which is not happening between you. You cannot cause an emotional love to come just because you would like it to. You also can never have a true sense of romantic love unless you have a physical love of yourself. You get this from respecting where you are and what you are doing on Earth. You need to work on loving yourself more.