Difficulties in marriage

QUESTION: Masters, I have strong suspicions about my man is having affairs on his trips away from home, and this brings old hidden emotions to my mind, meaning jealousy and insecurity, even anger… I’m trying to turn it to the positive and concentrate on all the possible beautiful lessons, but so much confuses me. How should I handle this all? I really enjoy our time together and would like to feel us having a solid connection also outside physical behavior, but to my opinion he should be straighter forward of his real desires. Am I asking too much, or maybe too little? ~Manta, Finland

ANSWER: You have very little faith in your own abilities to hold on to a good man. You are imagining all kinds of reasons for your man not to honor you, such as betraying you by cheating on you when he is away. He has not yet done so. But he can sense all this doubt and negativity you are projecting, which is creating a wedge between you. You are even making him unconsciously think you want him to, or are giving him permission to, have affairs.

Stop sending all this anxiety from within you to blast him with uncertainty. Examine why you are jealous, insecure, and angry. You have allowed yourself to be treated this way in the past, but you can stop it by no longer letting these types of emotions into your life. You need to see yourself as strong, confident, and self-reliant.

Communication is the easiest way to clear all these doubts from you. Talk to him. Tell him your fears, your wants, and your desires. Make sure he is in tune with you and wants to share all that he is with you. Openly sharing yourself makes you vulnerable, but it is the only way to establish a firm connection with someone.

Don’t hide your insecurities from him. Join together to deal with your problems – the real and the imagined. It takes work to create a wonderful, fulfilling relationship. How badly do you really want one?