Learning to love and accept self

QUESTION: Masters, 15 years ago I left my husband and my children’s father because he was a very manipulative person. He thought he knew what was best for me and unconsciously I put ties on myself. I suffered from severe psoriasis and was eventually also seriously ill. At the hospital, I had a spiritual experience: I was filled with light and love and a voice who told me to divorce my husband. This light loved me no matter what I did. At the same time I got deeply in love with another man who helped me with my divorce. We lived together for 12 years. I loved him unconditionally even though he cheated on me. Four years ago, he left me and married another woman. I still grieve and have a feeling of spiritual connection to him. Why is that and why can’t I move on and be happy? ~IA, Norway

ANSWER: Your major life lesson has been to analyze what love is about and how different people experience it and what they see as “love.” To your husband, love meant you would do exactly what he wanted you to do and nothing else. At first you accepted his definition and were enslaved to the relationship. This took all of your power and energy, which made you ill.

When you realized that love had none of these characteristics, you divorced him and moved on. You still had no idea what love was, so you interpreted the compassion of your lover as love. You accepted that he did not offer unconditional love because he spread himself around to others, but it was definitely better than what you had with your husband. When he left you, it was for personal financial reasons and how he could benefit from a marriage to his other woman.

The experience you had in the hospital – the light, the voice, and the feeling of love – was a connection to your soul, your higher self, your nonphysical unconscious. It is always with you; you just need to choose to go back inside and bring it out.

You can’t let go of the spiritual connection you feel you have with the one who walked away because it felt so good. But it was not him – it was you! You only believed it was him because he happened to be there when you first connected with it. Create a life where you are the center of your universe, where you bring out your love. Then you can do whatever you want and can have the love you seek.