Virtual but not real

QUESTION: Masters, I’ve made a great virtual friendship. We know each other since last year. He was one of my best virtual friends! We used to talk a lot about our lives. I always feel well when I talk to him. But then something complicated happened, I thought that our friendship was growing stronger and I was afraid that it could become something bigger than a friendship. I told him about it, that I was confused, but then after the conversation he vanished, he said he would be a part of me, but not forever, just for a time, he said he needed a long time to think what to do. When I think about it I feel a little pain. Please Masters tell me what should I do? Wait for him to talk to me again or go after him? ~Vinicius, Brazil

ANSWER: You are chasing a cyber-ghost. Many people occupy their time on the Internet and create personas that they think the person they are communicating with will like. It is a game for them. Some of these people never say a thing that is true, even down to their real name, sex, age, and location.

Many lonely souls, or those who like to feel in control over others, have a whole list of people they string along until someone has the nerve to call their bluff by wanting to take the relationship further than just typing on a screen. To each of their contacts they appear to be the only one to whom he writes, but each is hearing a variation of the same stories.

Your “friend” was 90% creation and 10% reality. You were played. When you wanted to expand into personal information, he couldn’t allow that because you would find out that he didn’t mean a large portion of the ideas he shared with you. When you commented on your connection he panicked—that was the reason for the vanishing act.

You feel the pain of being used by him. In sharing yourself so fully, you were vulnerable to depending on what he said to you and hurt when he turned into something other than he had said he was. Right now he is evaluating how his contacts are going with others and taking time to think of a new story to spin your way if he needs to get you back into his stable of “friends.”

Nothing is right or wrong, so you have the freedom to choose what you wish to do next. With the information we have provided, go inside and feel what resonates with you; do this before you make up your mind. Love yourself for who you are and don’t let anyone dishonor you by lying to you.