Reality vs. dreams and expectations
QUESTION: Masters, I desperately need your advice regarding my husband. Since embarking on a career in management nothing seems to last. It all starts well then all goes downhill and it’s over. Is he choosing the wrong path or is it due to a personality trait as I suspect. He’s very rigid on rules and uncompromising. He seems to have very unrealistic standards and can rub people the wrong way. He’s also OCD. He’s doing his best to change but I know it’s difficult for him. He can be very caring but hasn’t got a lot of empathy for people but is very different with our pet dog. Has he come down with a personality trait that can explain his behavior as he seems to view things from a very different perspective to other people. ~Jo, England
[Note: OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder]
ANSWER: Management positions deal with coordinating employees for the benefit of the company. A manager must be able to read his people and match them up with their strengths. A person who cannot understand the characteristics and abilities of those under them will be inadequate in that position and incapable of knowing why.
In the beginning, before he has to start making decisions, all seems right within his world. When it is up to him to direct his employees, his default reasoning is controlled by his OCD, which does not take into consideration individuals’ aptitudes and sees only in degrees of black and white.
He doesn’t need to develop empathy but does need to start feeling. Until he can understand the rationale behind the behavior of others, nothing will ever appear to be right with him.
He came down to see if he could ever put himself into the place of another to understand how many ways there are to consider things. He has never accomplished that but has simply developed his own way of living without emotional interaction and being totally rigid within the confines of his OCD.
He functions well with animals because he allows himself to identify with their needs for love and dependency. They pose no threat to him, his impression of himself, or the security of his job. Since people can speak up and criticize his performance, they are always able to undermine his position.
If he wants to complete this lesson, he needs to be more aware of interpersonal relations through using feelings. Otherwise, looking into another type of work will be necessary for long-term employment.