Dealing with life lessons
QUESTION: Masters I would like to ask something of a very personal origin that even causes me shame, but I honestly cannot find an answer to that. I’m gay and I have a hard time connecting sexually with other partners, especially if it does not involve feeling. But I have a “fetish” that I do not understand where it came from and why it’s so strong in me. I feel attraction when I see men sleeping, even there are porn sites with this category, I believe that other gay people feel this attraction too, but it makes me sick to think about it, I suffer because I feel it is wrong to feel this kind of attraction where in my imagination I would be abusing men who were asleep. Has this had any past cause of life or was it something that came into being in this life? I do not understand this behavior. ~Luis, BRAZIL
ANSWER: You chose what, to most of society, is a very interesting series of life lessons. There is nothing wrong with your choices, and it is just for you to decide what you can be comfortable with during the remainder of this cycle.
Your major problem is a lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and understanding all the implications of your conscious and unconscious desires. You can dream all you want, and nothing is wrong with that. It is only a problem with society if you jump across the line that demarcates what is considered criminal. Thinking about it, talking about it, and engaging in it with other consenting adults is perfectly all right.
Seeing someone sleeping or unconscious removes all the fear from you that they will not respond as you desire. As you have found out from your research, you are not alone in these attractions. Many want a safe environment for their sexual outlets, and a non-responsive person provides that. Unless you force yourself on an unwilling individual, there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
You have never chosen this type of lesson before. It was chosen by you to spend time sensing the feelings involved and working out a way to accept and live with them. Enjoy the bodily reactions that your dreams allow you. Before you ever decide to act on your fetish, find other like-minded people with whom to do so.