Controlled abuse
QUESTION: Masters I was in a relationship for 5 years and was depressed from the beginning. One year ago he fell in love with another woman and proposed we both had a relationship with him. I agreed, not without suffering. At the beginning it was a good experience for me because I always had doubts about my sexuality. After some time living this triad relationship I started being very depressed and yesterday I broke up with them. I was not recognizing myself anymore. They are still together and he is living with me because he doesn’t have money to live by himself. I can see he is suffering a lot now but I don’t know if it’s in my hands to help him. Did I make the right choice to break up this relationship? Honestly I’m feeling I have control of my life for the first time in years. ~Tatiane, Brazil
ANSWER: Your depression should have told you immediately that something was not right with the relationship. When people are depressed, they have no strong impression of who they are or what their choices for life may be. They are more easily controlled by others and give those others their power to decide things.
Why are you still allowing this insensitive, cheating, narcissistic oaf to remain in your house? He is still using you even though you have disowned his ménage. He does not have the means to provide for himself because he is too busy finding ways to use women instead of securing decent employment. We appreciate that you had feelings for him and feel sorry for him since he cannot afford his own place, but why don’t you just bring in any homeless, penniless person from the streets? Some of them would be so grateful they would treat you like a queen, not a possession.
Start to honor yourself – love yourself for who you are. Make the rules for your own house – you pay the bills. You don’t recognize yourself because you are letting him define you. Create the type of person you desire to be. Don’t give any more attention, time, or money to this jerk. Go out and meet someone who will respect you and want a singular sharing relationship. You deserve it and are worth it.