Lesson from a cheating husband
QUESTION: Masters, I feel that my whole life has been turned upside down. I have discovered my husband has been having an affair. This is the second time, the other being 7 years ago when I was pregnant with our son. I was married previously and suffered emotional abuse. My husband is sorry for his actions, he lost his mum at age three and I believe he has abandonment issues. I am in so much pain and my emotions are all over the place. Is it a life lesson on accepting him with unconditional love or is it to move on alone? Does he really care or is it something that will be repeated again down the line. ~Debbie, UK
ANSWER: What does losing a parent have to do with cheating on you? Your husband is a victim type. He blames his childhood difficulties for all his acting out. You on the other hand have insecurity issues; you drew your first husband to you because you had no confidence in yourself and at first saw his action as normal. It wasn’t until you opened your eyes that you realized you had a choice not to be abused.
After that relationship your energy was bruised and your husband saw an easy person who would not question his actions. This is not the only time he has pleased himself in addition to when you were pregnant. Whenever you were not observant of his needs he went elsewhere. He is a very needy person who feels it is all right to search wherever he can for comfort. He professes his sorrow only because he was caught.
You have a gorgeous child who needs to see you stand up for yourself. You are still being abused – this time it is psychological abuse. Choose what type of life you want to live. Your emotions are cycling between being hurt and blaming yourself in some way for your husband’s actions. You are as strong, magnificent, and worthy as any other soul. Give yourself credit and stand up for yourself.
If you decide to stay with your husband, talk the situation out with him. Be vigilant about all that he says to you and what he does. Make him responsible for his actions. If he cannot tolerate having only one partner, run, do not walk, away from him. You do not deserve to be with a man who does not honor you.