Puppet on a string

QUESTION: Masters, I have had one man in and out of my life for 6 years now.  I met him at very young age. He was my first love and I still haven’t been able to move on. He treated me bad in the past, he cheated on me and I broke up with him. I found another guy who treated me well and we were about to get married when my previous boyfriend wanted me back and I called off the wedding for him. We were together for six months I honestly thought we will finally get to spend our lives together. Then things started falling apart as he suddenly stopped caring and I broke up with him. Now I can’t stop thinking about him. He lives in another country and my life seems pointless without him. Does he still love me and what should I do? ~TT, Spain

ANSWER:  This man has never loved you in the way you love him. He is merely using you to prove that he can. He gets satisfaction out of how you will do whatever he says or drop anything else you are doing because he waves you to him. You were a conquest for him when he became your first love. He is marvelous at manipulation and you felt you were the prize princess put up on a pedestal. You were, in fact, just a prize he coveted.

There was a lot of brainwashing that went with his early display of affection. Because of your age and lack of experience you believed he was prince charming. In reality he was a puppet master who could control you. He worked on seeing how much deceit, breaking of promises, and downright bad behavior you would tolerate. You were a game and a challenge to him.

When he learned you were about to get committed to another, he ramped the game up to the next level by his efforts to get you back. He never intended for it to be long term or monogamous. He just wanted to see if he could still dance you around on his strings. The only things he truly cares about are his own needs and desires. After a while he gets bored with one conquest and moves on to another. By his behavior, he gets the woman to break it off so he can say they were just doing what they chose and it had nothing to do with his antics.

To stop this cycle and remove his strings from you, you need to realize what type of person he is. He is egotistical, manipulative, and narcissistic. He loves only himself and will never bend to the wishes of a mere woman. You have him imprinted in your beliefs as your savior, who can be a worthy partner. Go inside and examine all that has happened and see if that is how you actually feel about him. Stop living in your dreams. You have given him mystical status and he is nothing. Take back the power he stole from you—the power to make your own choices. Never do anything unless it feels right to you.