Controlled relationship

QUESTION: Dear Masters, I have been in an abusive relationship and finally decided to leave it. Even though my wife and I have now been separated for more than 14 months, and she claims that she has found another person, she won’t leave me because she wants more money and revenge. With all this tension, and also due to the bad economy, I have also lost my job. I want to get a divorce and be done so I can have some peace. All these matters are affecting my health with high blood pressure and anxiety. Any advice on how I can get rid of her and start my life afresh?

ANSWER: One of your biggest lessons in this lifetime has been to experience control in various aspects. An abusive relationship is one of the most common ways to experience this trait. In this case, of course, your wife is the controller and you are the controlee or slave. Even though your wife has moved on to another situation where she has someone else she can control, her new boy friend, she desires to maintain her control over you at the same time.

A controller sucks the energy out of those whom they control. The fear, anxiety, and trepidation experienced by the controlled allow the controller to feel absolute power. Why would anyone want to give up power? That is why your wife does not want to leave. Other people’s fear, money, and degradation reward her and fuel her need to maintain control.

You must recognize that you no longer have to allow your wife to tell you what to do. Push forward with your divorce proceedings; you have many valid reasons in the law to end the relationship. You must realize that you are as powerful as she; if you recognize it, then accept it and start using your power. When you assume your rightful authority you will no longer live in fear or be bothered with high blood pressure because your life will return to harmony and balance.