Lessons of love

QUESTION: Masters, can you tell me: what is my practice in life with my mom and previously married husband? Both of my families have been very difficult, relationships in mess and are still persistently hanging on that way. Can my ex-husband (we) ever live together with pure love? I really doubt, but he will not let me go, even though we are divorced. He says he loves me forever. Is that Love? Is it worth trying a therapy together? ~Mari, Finland

ANSWER: Your lessons involve learning you have freedom of choice in all aspects of your life. Your home situation was one of being constantly told exactly what was expected of you. You were never asked your opinion or given a say in what happened. You were unable to develop a sense of self-worth or confidence. You were controlled until you found a way to break away from the control.

Your marriage was another kind of control. Your ex-husband is not in love with you; he is mourning the loss of a prized possession that he seeks to regain. He is not even aware what true love feels like. You have some difficulty there, as well, since you have never experienced it.

You need to go in search of love. First comes knowing what love is by getting a feel of self-love. You may experience it in the connection with your soul that lets you sense your own unconditional love. Once you know the “feel” you will not allow yourself to settle for anything else.

It is also time to let the past go completely. Don’t let any lingering negative feelings from your mom or your ex cling to you. If they come into your mind, accept that they are examples of what you do not wish to have, delete them from your memory, and move on to better and more pleasant feelings. Choose to have a new life that is filled with loving events you choose for yourself.