Allowing yourself to be used

QUESTION: Masters, my question is about a man that’s been in my life on and off for 2.5 years. When our romance started, it surprised me totally, since I hadn’t imagined that we could ever end up together. Our relationship is very complicated not only because we don’t live in the same country and we’ve got almost 20 years of age difference but because this man, who I sometimes call the love of my life, has a partner and a family. He is not willing to leave them. I ended our relationship (again) 4 months ago but am now apparently suffering memory loss and am about to welcome him back in my life. I love him but at the same time I feel incredibly vulnerable and uncertain whether I can trust that he won’t just end up hurting me even though I know he does not want to. What should I do? ~A-M.H.A, Spain

ANSWER: You need to be loved. You don’t care about or love yourself enough to be happy so you seek satisfaction elsewhere. It is easy to love from a distance. When you are not constantly confronted by a partner, only the positive aspects, the times you can be together, are remembered. You are a toy for this man. You are there waiting when he chooses to look your way.

Stop subjecting yourself to this abuse. You are a puppet on a string, a puppy who comes whenever called because you want the treat he is dangling: a period of physical attention and love. It is fleeting and then he is off to his “regular” life and you are sent home to your dog house to wait for the next time you are summoned.

You like safety, and he can be the love of your life because he is bigger than life in your imagination and dreams without making outrageous demands of you or your time. He will never leave his family. He uses you but feels all right about it because you don’t complain and always come back. Stop kidding yourself; it will never be anything more than it is right now. You deserve much more than this. Why do you leave yourself tied up to him and out of the market for a normal, sharing relationship?

Take back your power, the power to create a relationship that will include a full-time boyfriend who loves you unconditionally, not just when it is convenient for him. You are in love with the idea of love but you have not really experienced it. Love is not part time or conditional. Love yourself, know there is much more out there for you, and move on.