Difficulty conforming
QUESTION: Dear masters, I seem to run away from responsibility and I’m not sure why. I also feel trapped by having to stick to deadlines, times, and places. I keep on trying to conform and do proper jobs like most other people, but the routine gets me down and I always want to move on.
ANSWER: Your spiritual self and your ego self are using your body as a battle ground. Your ego is saying that you must do what other people tell you, whether or not you think or feel it is the right thing to do. Your soul essence is starting to tell you it is time to honor yourself and make your choices of life and living based upon your feelings.
You are at a crossroads. Do you remain the dutiful little woman always doing exactly what others want? Or do you begin to get a sense of who you really are and move toward redefining your life? That urgency you sense of always wanting to move on is your soul saying that now is the time to take responsibility for who and what you are in this world.
Running away from responsibility is procrastination from exercising your freedom of choice. You are so concerned with other people right now that you have trouble seeing yourself when you look in the mirror.
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath, then another; relax your tense muscles. Now slowly open your eyes and really see what is around you at this moment. Don’t think about anything but this second. Now ask yourself: “How do I feel?” Let the question seep deep inside before you start throwing out answers.
Fears will predominate for you right now. Take each fear and ask yourself where it came from. When you see that it came (as most do) from other sources-society, family, coworkers-ask yourself if that is how you feel. If it is not, release that issue. If you do accept it as something truly from you, ask yourself how you can rid yourself of this fear.
Using this method you will get to the point of knowing what is truly you and what is a reflection of the outside world. Now you have a starting point to shape the rest of your life.