Parental funds: a help or a hindrance?
QUESTION: Masters, I have succeeded in reducing my worries and fears around my eldest son by pulling out the cords connecting us, but I still feel confusion about helping him out financially. It is an ongoing scenario that he needs money, and I feel it is not the best thing to continually give in. Will he wake up or does he really need the help in these times?
ANSWER: Because of your love for your firstborn son, he has been able to blind you somewhat to his manipulation. He was always very labor intensive growing up, and that is what made it necessary for you to physically cut the maternal cords between you. With the others, the cords just withered and fell off when they became self-reliant.
Your son wants life both ways: he wants to be considered an adult, but he also doesn’t want to be responsible for the results of some of his own decisions. He does not have a good sense of money, its value, and what is needed to maintain a self sufficient lifestyle.
He will not wake up to these principles until he is placed in a situation of having no choice but to take inventory of what he does and be totally responsible for all his actions. This is something your world has dubbed “tough love.” It involves being made to exist on one’s own without the possibility of a bailout from parents or friends.
Times are difficult right now, but knowing that Mom’s help is available means that your son could expect you at any time to “fix” his overspending. The choice is yours. You must follow what feels right to you; that will give you an indication of all the aspects of the contract you made with your son for this lifetime.