Relationship defined

QUESTION: Masters, My relationship with this man has now lasted for 1.5 years. It is SO difficult to make it flowing and steady and harmonic. We are different in every aspect of the word. We want different things. He wants me to move to live with him and his teenagers in another town. I want my life in my quiet little home, but still want to be his one and only woman. My health is not very good, so I need to lead a peaceful life, he wants action… But there is still so much love and attraction/ passion between us, so it is hard to break up. Masters: Why can’t we make this work? Or HOW can we? What is it that I (or WE) should learn from this constant struggle? ~Wen, Norway

ANSWER: For a romantic relationship to totally satisfy the needs of both parties, there must be a continuing sharing of all aspects of the life. Each party must feel listened to and cherished by the other. There has to be some sort of agreement on the definition of the future needs and desires.

Your impressions of the future are that you don’t want to make any concessions to the quiet life you have created and exist in most of the time. The question you have to ask yourself is: do I wish to give up the majority of my lifestyle for the love and passion I receive from this man? Is that alone enough for the rest of my life?

He wants a woman who will act like a wife. He wants a family setting where his woman and his children are ever present to fulfill his desires and vision of a family. The degree of passion he has displayed was/is, in his mind, a prelude for a proper union to come. You are his one and only now, but if you do not wish to achieve his dreams, he will move on to someone who can.

It is very apparent that you two have no common consensus on how you see the future. Take the sex and passion out of the equation and what, if anything, do you have left? That is the destiny you have before you. If you do not honor your own needs and desires, you will never truly be happy. The choice is yours. There are  alternatives out there.