Dealing with others
QUESTION: Masters, I noticed I have rather hard time keeping relationships alive. I keep people at the distance. I see there is a lot of contradiction in my behavior. I like to be among people but somehow I find it hard to mix with them and to become a good friend. What can I do to change it? What do I not see? Please help me to understand more. Could it be something I carry from my past lives that make me feel a little bit alienated? ~Malgorzata, Poland
ANSWER: You desperately want people to like you and think good things about you. Your definition of how you are doing in life is dictated by what you believe other people think and say. You have developed a pattern of not interacting with others on the premise that if they don’t really know you, they won’t think anything negative about you. All of this stems from the fact that you do not love yourself and are extremely self-critical.
You fear that once you get to know people, they will be able to detect the lies you hold inside—primarily that you don’t really like yourself, so why should they like you? Others can detect your hesitancy to commit to any connection with them, so they move on. You fear having to commit to a relationship because you don’t want to be controlled.
All the relationships you have examined in your life have been ones in which there is a dominant person and a subservient one. You have experienced some of these firsthand. You have not seen a sharing partnership. To share, you have to open yourself up and bare your innermost fears and joys. You are afraid that would allow your lack of love to darken everything.
The step you need to take is finding out why you cannot seem to accept yourself as you are. You are a piece of Source and have all the same magnificent abilities and traits. Your essence is unconditional love and is shared with the universe. Spend time connecting with that energy and you will find your love; then you can share that love with the souls who will be drawn to your magnificence.