Never good enough
QUESTION: Masters, although my mother stays with us, her heart is always in favor of her sisters & their children. She makes me feel that if I do not manage things for her or take care of her, then she can always call on her sisters. She wants to do the things, which is not suitable for our family at current time. Why is she treating me like this from my childhood? I am now 35 yrs & she is getting older. I can very well use my powers to make her feel miserable, but my heart does not permit me to take strong actions. What could be the way that she would be in favor or me instead of her sister? I think that if she is staying with me, I am going to take care of her, why not I get her favor as well as her trust. ~Rajkumar, India
ANSWER: Your mother is a fearful, tyrannical, very confused lady. She was always babied by her family and when married was forced to assume responsibility for the first time. She longs for the carefree days of being coddled by her sisters. You represent that responsibility she does not want to assume. She figures if she is nasty enough to you, she will be able to get you to cower from her while still being her slave.
Your enlightenment has caused you to realize these are life lessons both of you are working on, and holding back your negative urges shows you have learned the fruitlessness of the lesson of retaliation. She is not on a path of growth, and until she chooses to go in that direction you will never get the respect and trust you seek from her.
She is looking “over the fence” into her sisters’ yards and seeing the way life was, and that consumes her desires. All you can do is suggest she ask her sisters if she can go and live with them, or else she is going to have to change her attitude toward you.
She is your mother in the physical sense, but on a spiritual basis she is just another soul on a journey that parallels your path. You have societal beliefs as to how you should treat her, but spiritually you may sever all ties if you desire. The biggest lesson you have in this situation is realization of your freedom of choice to decide your own future. You have been patterned with belief systems from society, your family, and religion, but you have the ability to pick and choose which rules and regulations you want to control your life.