What do relatives owe each other?
QUESTION: Masters, I’ve always felt unloved by my mother. After my father left us almost two decades ago, I supported her, and I had a house built for us both, which she hated. Three years ago, she moved to a sister of hers’ house in a town far from mine. Two months ago, I (44) was ill in hospital. I begged her (77) to come help me which she refused, and I broke off relations with her by phone. Three weeks later my aunt accidentally hit her with a car. After 28 days of unbelievable suffering in intensive therapy in hospital, she passed away on December 27. I was not able to go to her funeral. Why so much suffering for her? Has she ever loved me? Is she in a good place now? What was the lesson for us? I think I will go crazy, being treated for panic syndrome now. ~Daniela, Brazil
ANSWER: Stop being so hard on yourself and taking responsibility for the choices that your mother made. Your father left because he could not deal with her demands any longer. She wanted to be taken care of but refused to appreciate or even consider liking anything that was not her complete idea from the beginning.
She chose to be an unhappy, manipulative, negative person in this lifetime. She wanted to see how far she could push others to meet her desires. She was incapable of “love” because she did not know what it was. She felt no obligation to anybody but herself.
Secretly she liked the house you had built, but she could never tell you because that would mean she would have to admit you did something right – a concept she could not condone. You were becoming too independent for her and no longer feared her and catered to her every whim, so she left.
In the beginning after your father left, you felt abandoned and wanted to hold on to a degree of security, which was your remaining parent. You walked around afraid all the time that you could not please her, one of the reasons you assigned to your own behavior in partially blaming yourself for the departure of your father. As time went on and you became more confident that this had nothing to do with you, your mother felt her influence disappear.
As far as she was concerned, as soon as she left your house you no longer existed for her since you weren’t taking care of her any longer. So, when you called, it was like a stranger off the street asking for assistance, which she saw no reason to provide. For you, cutting the ties was honoring yourself and no longer putting up with her selfishness.
Her suffering through this life was based on choices she made. She chose to live a life completely in negative energy, without love or connection. She never saw you as worthy of love, even to the degree she understood it. She has returned to the unconditional love energy of Source but has still not allowed herself to integrate back into it. Her guides are assisting her.
You need to realize that everything is based on choices for lessons. One of your lessons was to finally see that there was nothing more you could do for the woman who was your mother, and to love yourself enough to walk away. Now let go of all the “what ifs” that are plaguing you, causing the panic. Love yourself, and love the soul that was inside your mother for the horrible lessons it subjected itself to during this life. Look for the love in your soul and in the world; be at peace.