Role in family strife
QUESTION: Masters, My sister seems to cause a great deal of unhappiness in people around her such as her children but especially to herself. I often want to help but feel uneasy and scared around her and have no confidence that my input would make any difference. So what of the role of those on the edge of disturbing and unhappy events–respect the free will of the souls involved or respond to my own feelings of distress and repulsion — thus facing my own fears of getting more involved? ~Dave, UK
ANSWER: You have done an excellent job of pinpointing the issues that are involved in the lessons of your own life. You are aware that you can’t make another person change unless they want to change. Nonetheless, it is possible to sometimes stimulate another to think about the issues they have so they may address them.
Your sister is currently engaged in the practice of being in the “pity-pot”. She is always thinking “woe is me”, my life is a mess and everyone around me is in the same state. Of, course she is the source of that state of discomfort. She is very selfish and wants to be the center of attention, nothing and no one can please her. This results in the misery to all.
Everyone within her circle of unhappiness has chosen to be there for one reason or another. It is their lesson to find out why they are there and how to extract themselves. As long as each remains they reinforce the focus point, your sister, and things will not change. If each person recognized that they have the ability to remove themselves from the cauldron, and did so, then your sister would be left to see she had to deal singly with her depressive sadness.
You must deal with your feelings of repulsion and distress. What do they make you feel? We don’t mean just those emotions, but what do they make you feel about yourself? Go into those feelings and at the bottom of the cause is the solution to banishing them forever. The fear of getting involved has more to do with what will be said to you and the way you feel about that then the action of having your say.
Examine why the statements of others affect you so much. That is one big lesson along the way. If anything said to you has a negative affect you are accepting all or part of the statement as being true. Go into the statement and see if you truly feel it is correct. If it is negative – you have brought to light another issue with which to deal. Go looking for those fears and doubts in your life – they are the lessons.