Unable to let go

QUESTION: Masters, I had a short and intense relationship with a man who mentally tortured me. I co-dependently tried to change him and finally left him because it all just became too painful. I have now made huge emotional and spiritual progress and realized in my childhood I used to feel terrible mental pain because my father was so aloof and work-obsessed. I didn’t even know how to grieve when he died because I never actually got to know him. The pain I felt with the man I was in a relationship with was a reflection of those confusing feelings in childhood. I’ve moved on and live happily now – but this man haunts my mind and I’m unconsciously waiting for him to contact me. Is there still something unfinished? Why am I still thinking about him so often? What were the lessons of this relationship for us? Is he my soul mate? ~M. K. V., Finland

ANSWER: This man and you had a contract to help you understand your lack of self-esteem and confidence. People can never be abused unless they allow themselves to be used. You recognized your co-dependency but not your lack of self-worth. You feel if you do what others want and let people use you, they will reciprocate with love. Ever since you have been on this Earth you have craved human love.

This situation came about because you needed to see how deep your problems lie. To rid yourself of these feelings popping up all the time, you need to go and resolve the still-sparking energies over the feelings you had for your father, and the issues through which you developed such a lack of worth image. There were things that were said and done to you in your childhood that have prevented you from being a strong, self-reliant adult. To be able to be free of this constant dread, you need to cut the cords to these earlier events.

Go and seek the origins. This is easily done with hypnosis, in which you can get out of the fears of your conscious mind, and get into your unconscious mind, which will allow you to understand that you don’t have to hold on to these fears any longer. You can visit each incident in a non-threatening manner and sever the connection to the inner fear.

While you work to understand and then erase the influence of the past, start working on finding out who you really are. You are a fragment of Source and, as such, are magnificent. When you clear away the distractions your past has planted, you can start to feel your power. Believe you can change, start seeing the powerful you, then create the world you desire.