In a relationship is sexual attraction a given?

QUESTION: Masters, I just started dating a man who I find attractive on different levels. Sexually, I find I am confused about my attraction to him. I don’t know what to do. Don’t we both deserve to feel the other person is sexually attracted to us and to be attracted to the other? Can this energy change? I don’t want to judge but maybe I am feeling his aura or own belief about his appearance, can this energy shift? I want us to have mutual desire for each other. ~Lisa, Israel

ANSWER: You are no longer a teenager who is pulled into relationships via hormones, pheromones, and sexual lust. The entirety of the person now impacts your decision. If something besides sex, such as a sharing of hobbies, work ethic, or ideology is the driving force behind such a connection, then that is the primary moving force that begins the relationship. Sex is always nice, but not necessary if you connect on so many other levels.

There are no specific rules for a deep attraction to take place. There is no step-by-step process to making a kinship work out for the parties. Stop putting so much thought into this fun, enjoyable time for you. Don’t put obstacles in your way. Just sit back and let your mutual friendship grow into whatever it is meant to be.

When you analyze a situation, you almost automatically start judging things. Then you start a comparison between this association and what you experienced in the past. That is being unfair both to you and the new beau. Every soul, every human, is different. Embrace the differences and explore them.

Energies are never static—they shift constantly. Your reality or interpretation of what you are feeling also shifts frequently. Go into your feelings and let them tell you what this union is all about. Don’t try to structure it; enjoy it.