Parent’s role

QUESTION: Masters, I have been troubled by the relationship with my son. It appeared all good, he was my sole joy & purpose, but things have changed starting 4 or 5 years ago. He has become someone I don’t understand with unacceptable behaviors. We discussed & quarreled with harsh words but nothing seems really changed. It becomes really unbearable & miserable that I almost wanted to give it up. I tried hard to let him know the “wrong-doings” and he appeared agreeing. What is driving me is that mistakes are repeated; perhaps they are not mistakes/ wrong to him in the first place. I know it might be something for me to work on, but cannot figure out how & why. I know my mother instinct loves him unconditionally (therefore the responsibility to right the wrong), but I also know my conscious mind “hates” the “him” that my son has become. I know every soul (including children) is responsible for their own spiritual growth, but what is a parent’s role in this process? ~Diana, Singapore

ANSWER: The instinct and unconditional love for her offspring is a human emotion that presents many life lessons for a mother. You are absolutely correct that each soul is only responsible for its own spiritual growth. One of your life lessons is to give up your need to control. It is based on your love for your son, but the life he is leading is still his.

Parents’ role in society is to teach their children to be good citizens and the difference between right and wrong. Society implies that parents should have enough influence on their children to control their behavior, which is just not true. All people have the freedom of choice to do exactly what they desire regardless of their education or the desires of society or family.

Your son is testing his wings. He is learning about responsibility by making his own decisions and working with the consequences. If he did what you wanted him to do, he would be depending on you and giving up his life’s responsibility, saying you know better the lessons he chose than he does. He would not grow. Don’t stop advising him, but do stop blaming yourself, or becoming frustrated, when he doesn’t listen.

Look at the situation this way. Your son is putting together his life. You have written an instruction manual that gives step-by-step techniques to facilitate getting through life to the place you are now. He has chosen to disregard the manual and fumble his way through life. Send him love energy to see his way through the process.