Letting lessons control you
QUESTION: Masters about 5 years back in a relationship I had got physically abusive after months of escalating verbal abuse. It went both ways, she would goad me and I did my fair share too, but one night, alcohol fueled, I lost it, smashed the bedroom up and walked out. I woke up the next day horrified and rushed back around to try and fix things as much as I could, I convinced her not to tell the police and she didn’t, but the relationship broke down and we parted ways. I went through years of anguish over what I had done. I’ve suffered massively with depression and anxiety after this event and can only think this was brought on by the stress. I’ve since realized that both our souls must’ve had a contract to have this lesson together, however are my mental health issues permanent and still the lesson? ~Jon, UK
[In compliance with US law, the Spirit Masters do not diagnose or prescribe for medical conditions. Their observations are spirit-based and concern life lessons. Readers may like to review details of the Masters’ booklet/ebook on healing.]
ANSWER: You chose many lessons for this lifetime, and included therein was addiction to drink, anger, control, and self-punishment. You need to examine the ability to release self-loathing and allow forgiveness to permit self-love to return. You are causing all the restrictions you see as mental health issues by choice.
You have control over your reactions to events in the present, but you continue to chastise yourself for the one incident that highlighted all your learning processes. One activity does not sentence a person to a life of constant upheaval unless they keep reminding themselves of what they believe they consciously chose.
Both of you needed to be more aware of the impact that your words and actions have upon others – it was a lesson for you both. Going back over what happened, can you see that it was not an intentional act on your part? The stress, the escalation, the drinking, the unhappiness you would not allow yourself to realize – all those led to the explosion that you used to escape the inevitable physical harm directed against her.
Nothing of a permanent nature took place except setting your unyielding mind on a course of self-condemnation. You have the power to begin anew. It was only a lesson, not an indelible tattoo branding you a dangerous uncontrollable menace. Let the guilt go!
Part of the depression is the result of releasing the concern and love you had for your partner and letting that space fill up with loathing for yourself. Chase out the despair and fill the empty places with unconditional love for yourself and this difficult life you chose. It took a lot of courage to face your past. Rewrite your future with the understanding that you are love. Feel that beauty and accept that it belongs to you – but you have to let it in!