Looking for rejection

QUESTION: Masters, I’ve always, had difficulties with my relationships with other people. I was bullied and an outcast in my youth; I had a bad or shy temperament. Now in my early 20’s I get anxious around others and still seek approval. Rejection is painful and I get internally defensive easily, or daydream I’m impressing people who are “popular” or who I like. I also fantasize or obsess about members of the opposite sex who are unavailable to me. I get angry with people who disrespect me easily. I know this is from early trauma, but why can’t I let it go? It’s not who I am – I know I’m capable of unconditional love but my ego feels big and stuck in a place of pushing away normal social interactions. I have good friends and a partner, but much of my fear centers around rejection there as well. ~Catherine, Canada

ANSWER: We are sure it comes as no surprise that your major lesson involves all aspects of rejection. You are constantly on high alert for the feeling of rejection, both directly and from your own expectations. All souls, in order to grow, must learn to love themselves. As long as you continue to reject yourself and your life, you will never achieve understanding and self-love.

Seeking approval is saying to the world that they know more about you than even you do. You give them the power to make decisions for you as to how you should feel and react, yet you get angry when they comply with your wishes. It is hard to have respect for someone who thinks so little of themselves. You are telling them it is what you expect, so they comply.

Going into your dreams is running away from seeing how you may deal with these lessons. Your ego keeps you firmly in the middle of judgment where you demand, as do all egos, that things be constantly graded, rated, rejected, and judged. To break this cycle you are in, step away from judgment and begin evaluating whether you truly wish to have an association with those around you.

You don’t think you are worthy of being in the popular group so you hold yourself away from them. Envision yourself as part of any group of which you desire to be a part. That will allow you to take back your power to decide who will be your friends without any aspect of rejection. Release the need to be rejected. We know that sounds strange, but when you anticipate rejection is around every corner, you manifest it into your life.