Life lessons and self-love
QUESTION: Masters, I feel that I have never had a satisfying relationship in my whole life. I’m already 47 years old, I have a son who is grown up man already. Since I was a little girl, I have been searching for a real love, but I have mostly lived in violence relationships. I have had many depression periods and been addicted to alcohol for a very long time. Now I have found help in AA-groups to my alcohol problems, but still I feel lonely and unloved. Is there anything I could do differently to help myself in this situation? I see myself as a spiritual person. I foresee some things and “know” things. But I don’t know how to find love to myself. ~Sirpa, Finland
ANSWER: You create expectations about how things are going to come out and then think they will change to conform to your dreams. You don’t know what love is because your imaginings of it arose from movies and books. One of your life lessons was to deal with abuse and violence and to realize you did not have to remain in those situations but could remove yourself from them.
In the past, instead of facing these lessons, understanding them, and choosing to honor yourself so you could move on, your response has been to hide from the facts in alcohol or depression. You are awakening to alternatives through your groups and will now be able to create the type of life you desire.
The loneliness will remain until you accept yourself as the controller of your existence. When those around you are sad, you join them because that is what you have always done. Change your thoughts to positive, happy, loving things and you will immediately feel the difference.
Love first comes through acceptance. Just as you accepted your son as a beautiful person, you need to accept yourself likewise. Look at all the strides you have made recently and congratulate yourself on your progress. Rejoice in no longer thinking violence is what you deserve. Love that you now direct your life.
You bring to yourself what you need to experience, so decide what you want. Imagine the companion you deserve in this new life. Go inside of yourself and search for that unconditional love Source has for all and a mother has for her child. Spend time in that energy and then choose to make it your default emotion.