One child two possible fathers

QUESTION: Masters, for a long period of time I was in love with two men. My child, who is loved, has a unique look I can’t feel/see if I am with the right biological father now. My conscience and silence makes me suffer every day. It is impossible to perform a DNA test anonymously. I don’t want to hurt anyone. ~Christina, Austria

ANSWER: What does it matter if you know who the biological father is? What difference if the sperm donor is not the man you are currently with? Are you trying to use this dilemma as a way to justify what you have done? Or are you trying to get punishment for what you think might be your dishonest past?

Your concerns for your child are nothing but guilt for something you regret having done. Was your love for each of these men true? Whom have you harmed so far? The only person who has suffered anything is you. The decision you have to make now is whether to be open to both men and let them decide what should happen, or just let things go on as they are.

Your continued sense of deceit will have you suffering until you admit your secret. It is impossible for this paternal possibility to be totally resolved without the potential fathers getting involved. If you only want your current partner to know, you can admit that during the time you got pregnant you had an encounter with someone else and he may not be the father. Then a quick DNA test will prove if he is or is not the biological match.

Until you bring this out in the open you will suffer. Don’t let it influence your child, who is innocent. Your continued distress can be felt by your child, and it will be felt until you resolve your anguish.