Out of control
QUESTION: Masters, I have been struggling mentally and emotionally. I feel like I have lost myself. There is a growing distance between me and my friends. I feel like I do not want to talk much to anyone and yet deep inside, I crave company. I do not quite understand what I need or want from people. My best friend, who I treasure very much and have special feelings for, has been having frequent misunderstandings and fights with me. I fear for the life of our friendship because it is something that I want to keep till the day I die. I hope you will shed some light on my life experiences and my relationship with her. Despite all the obstacles that we have faced, why is that now she seems to be distancing herself from me? Or is it simply my distorted view of life? ~V, Singapore
ANSWER: You have turned yourself into a victim feeling beaten and betrayed by your former friends. Your world has turned into me, me, and me. Your distancing from friends is because they were tired of the insistent talk about yourself and what you thought you deserved which was not coming to you. The company you crave is on your own terms and you run away from normal interactive exchanges with others where everyone shares the spotlight.
Your special friend is to a saturation point of your negative talk about things that yo don’t find beneficial to you. She is confused because you are no longer the person she befriended so long ago. Your open sharing has disappeared and a self-interest has taken its place. Your disagreements stem from you no longer wishing to give any respect to her opinions and desires if they vary from yours.
Your view of life has become distorted because you choose to only look at things with tunnel vision goggles. These glasses only take into consideration your thoughts, desires, and feelings. Continuing to live with these in place will drive away anyone who would communicate or try to interact with you. It is time to take off the goggles. Look around you 360 degrees. See how the rest of the world is dealing with the same issues which face you. Understand that in order to work with others you have to compromise and not always be the one who makes all the decisions. The choice to do this or not is up to you.