QUESTION: Masters having been in my emotionally abusive marriage for 12 years, your previous guidance suggested that my husband was confused with his own life and that I should run not walk away if he could not commit and honor me. Being afraid to leave through low esteem and children I continued to put up with an unhealthy relationship, wanting to leave but always having an excuse. He chose to leave before Christmas and I hit rock bottom. Have I failed in a lesson to gain courage and strength and to love myself enough to leave him when I knew I should have? ~Debbie, United Kingdom
ANSWER: This is an example of what we have said many times: the universe brings to you what you need to experience. Out of fear you did not take yourself out of an untenable situation, which would have helped you grow faster, so the action was taken out of your hands by your husband leaving you. The rock bottom you hit is called the dark night of the soul, where everything you believed in is yanked away and you have to start all over again.
You may see this as a failure, but it is really just an alternative way of accomplishing what needed to be done. When you chose to deal with your lessons of self-worth and self-confidence, instead of self-love, they kept you firmly planted in the marriage. Your higher self and the universe saw you needed a push to get moving and accept the reality of your husband’s betrayal, so they “encouraged” him to move on.
Once you are at the bottom you have nowhere to go but up. You can create the type of world you desire. And don’t think it has to be alone because it does not have to be. What you do need to decide is whether you need additional time dealing with the type of abuse your husband gave you, or whether you understand you do not have anything else to learn from it and that it is time to move on.
There are no right or wrong answers to the way a soul learns their lessons. It can be by their action or through the circumstances that throw them into a chaos they have to survive. Don’t let your mind, prompted by society’s view, convince you that you immediately have to jump back into a relationship. From now on, do only what “feels” right to you.