QUESTION: Masters I am thinking about a man I worked with all of the time- I’m having conversations with him in my head; I have a huge crush on him although realistically I don’t know him even as a friend. I’ve had these obsessive crushes before. I’m married and I don’t act on the crushes; they feel very one sided but take up so much of my energy and thoughts. I would love some insight into freeing myself. ~Carly, Australia

ANSWER: You are a romantic and bored out of your mind. Your family life is not providing enough diversity and excitement, so you create your own fantasy world. If it were not this man, it would be some other. Part of this stems from your feeling that you would like to have more of a say in relationships, but you do not speak up with your husband. He is unaware of your desperate unhappiness.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, exactly, except that you are wasting time that you could be using for some other endeavor. These fantasies are giving you a vacation from what you see as your humdrum life. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your dreams could be played out? Have you considered getting involved in the local theater group where you could reinvent yourself with each new role? How about a community center full of various activities?

You also need to examine your marriage and whether it is the right place for you to be right now. Often, after a while, people who were perfect for each other when they married are no longer compatible and just hold a place for each other. When was the last time to two of you sat down and shared dreams and desires for your future?

Evaluation time is here if you want to reestablish control over your life. The choices are yours. You can continue to dream or you can take action.