Dealing with sister’s lessons
QUESTION: Masters I have never realized how unhappy and manipulative my sister is, she becomes a victim to draw attention, she is of unbelievable need. One of my lessons in this life is to learn to be strong and firm in making decisions and not bow before her and anyone’s wishes, but tell me, is it wrong for me to want my life? Living well away from her is one of my greatest desires because I do not know if this behavior has a remedy. How to proceed? How to deal with it? She has an interesting side; helps people and is generous, but I wonder if she does not do those things to get the recognition, she “thinks” she deserves. How to deal? ~Maressa, Brazil
ANSWER: It is never wrong to wish to learn in whatever fashion seems the best for you. The decision to remove yourself from what is dysfunctional activity for you is never a bad one, because it will allow you to see from the outside what you have endured from the inside.
You have been drawn into your sister’s life lessons, actually being a part of them, and you do not need to remain. You can watch what happens to, and around, her and understand what you could learn from, and in what you do not need to partake.
She will move through her lessons only to the extent that she is ready. She craves love, and her assistance to others is how she feels she can obtain it. Being a victim is her “fallback” plan when she senses people are fed up with her or not noticing her the way she desires. She is very lonely and hates herself. Without any self-love, she finds ways to demand it from others.
This is her journey and all the decisions have to be hers. There is nothing you can directly do to, or for, her. Send unconditional love to her soul that she might recognize the lessons that plague her – or at least that is how she sees them now. This extra positive energy might open her eyes to her behavior.
It is important not to engage with her in any arguments because that fuels her energy of attention. Just say: “I know that is your opinion, but I don’t feel that way.” She can argue with what you think but not with what you feel, because she is not inside you.
All your future choices are yours. If you wish to create a distance between you, by all means, do so.