Dealing with lessons of others
QUESTION: Masters I have several difficult people in my family, mostly my mother and my sister. Both are very negative towards me, and my mother in particular is unkind, hurtful and selfish. I don’t understand what they are here to teach me, or how best to respond to them. I am so tired of being a victim, struggling to cope with the emotional impact of their lack of sensitivity or empathy. I feel very alone in the world I also have a severely depressed son who cannot find his way. I don’t know how best to support him or what to do for his benefit. The whole situation with family members is totally draining my energy and at times I wish to be out of this life. I wish to understand what the meaning of all this is. ~Rebecca, UK
ANSWER: You have two things influencing these family matters. First are the lessons each member of your family chose for this lifetime, and then the lessons you chose for yourself. They wanted to be in control over those around them and to be able to do whatever they wanted without interference. You wanted to see how long it would take you to realize your victim role and then how long to change your attitude toward it.
Your sister is merely following the example of your mother in how to deal with you. Your mother is very fearful about her lack of confidence and power, so she treats everyone as if she were the leader of the world and they should kowtow to her. Your reaction is one of choice. You may let the actions impact you, or you can step back and see them for what they are – the rantings of an unhappy person.
What someone says or does can affect you only if you allow it to. What you see happening in the world is a good example. The diseases, misfortune, nastiness, and worries of strangers will have no influence upon you unless you internalize them and accept that they should relate to you as well. Otherwise they have no more force against you than reading an article in a magazine or watching a movie.
You can reach this same distance with your family if you accept that they don’t have an effect on your life unless you allow their difficulties to enter into your life. Your son’s depression is a lesson that he has chosen. All you can do is be available to listen to him when he needs support. Let him know that the choices are his – and that he does have a choice to accept his condition in several different ways.
It is time to create the reality you desire. You will still be in the world with your family, but you can choose to move away from their negativity and enter a bubble of unconditional love. Your soul has an essence of love; go inside and spend time there until you convert your whole life into happiness.