Understanding feelings
QUESTION: Masters, I’m writing you because ever since my brother took his own life (at fourteen), two years ago, I’ve been having severe social anxiety. I’m too conscious of my surroundings, all my actions are based on fear of rejection. I have this deep feeling I’m different than most people, that I’m not supposed to be here. There is a lot of love in me. I try to never have any cruel intentions towards anyone. Yet no matter how hard I try, I can’t comfort or reassure myself this anxiety is coming from my own creation. I’m 18 now but have gone through the most dark and horrible emotions towards myself and my life. My brother and I had a strong connection and I feel like he is the only one who would understand me through this. Could you please tell me, is there anything I’m doing wrong? ~Fanny, The Netherlands
ANSWER: You sense that your brother’s departure originated from his sense of being rejected and hated by those around him. Your closeness to him makes you wonder why you didn’t see his decision before he acted upon it. You also wonder if you are headed in the same direction.
You are extremely sensitive and have sensed that your friends don’t know how to treat you anymore after your brother’s suicide. This is the cause of your anxiety in social situations. The most prominent difference is your feeling of not belonging because others, not having gone through the death of a sibling, just don’t understand your loss.
You are present in this world by choice. You decided you wanted to enter this life, and as horrible as it may seem, you wished to experience the tragedies that have surrounded you. It is possible to connect to your brother on the Other Side. Let him help you understand why these things appeared in your life and how you can live with them and learn from them.
The only thing you are doing that you can change is your attitude about the current events in your life. First remember that you are a soul who is having a human experience to learn how to deal with negativity, and draw as close as possible to a life of complete, unconditional love. The essence of your soul is the Source energy from which you came. That means you have all the powers and abilities of which Source is composed. Use those to work through your sorrow, anxiety, and aloneness.
Find a peer group of others who have experienced this same horrid life lesson. Share your feelings with them and hear the difficulties they are having and how they have been able to deal with them. You are not alone in this. There are those in human form who understand and those in spirit form who will help if asked.