Dealing with health and mental issues

QUESTION: Masters, in 2009 I contracted an STD that spread into my whole system. No antibiotic could cure it. The torment physically and mentally was unbearable. 4 years later it cooled down and I became “myself” again. Then in 2015 it reactivated through an online flirt (!). 18 months later when I had decided to commit suicide I experienced a miracle and was healed instantaneously. I felt great again. 6 months later I met a girl but turns out she had narcissistic personality disorder. It took me 3 months to step away. Shortly after the old insanity started all over again. Could be I got re-infected. I feel terrible again and on top of it now I feel very ashamed and stupid as if I have slapped god in the face by destroying the gift of the miracle healing. Please HELP. Suicide is a symptom of this disease (from homeopathy). ~Pascal, Netherlands

[In compliance with US law, the Spirit Masters do not diagnose or prescribe for medical conditions. Their observations are spirit-based and concern life lessons. Readers may like to review details of the Masters’ booklet/ebook on healing.]

ANSWER: You are an extremely strong soul, with many lifetimes completed, and are testing your manifestation powers during this incarnation. Your secondary major lesson is controlling your belief systems and their impact on the physical body. What you believe is what you experience, regardless of whether or not it is based upon normal physical or mental traits for a human body.

Your fear has been directing the afflictions you bring to yourself. If you think you should be punished for some action, you manifest the punishment – in this case the occurrence or reoccurrence of an STD because it seems so repugnant to you; hence the need for self-flagellation. But in addition, your powers are so strong that you are able to remove all taint in an instant, as you have demonstrated.

All you need to do is examine what you are thinking and believing as true. You are a perfect soul going through a physical Earth experience with the tests set up by the beliefs to which you adhere.

In 2009 you abhorred your behavior, so you created an STD. You got tired of having it around so you “cooled it down.” You associate anything romantic or sexual with needing to be punished, so you recreated the original ailment just because you talked to someone online. When your physical self considered suicide, your soul decided you had more to learn and should stay.

Stop punishing yourself and see that all this is about how you think about yourself. Accept that you are a magnificent piece of Source and that you have the power to create this roller coaster of a life. The choices are yours. The manifestation is you.