Changing another
QUESTION: Masters, is there anything I can do to help my daughter come to terms with the way her father is? He abandoned his two daughters when they were 15 and 17. The 15-year-old later took her life, largely I believe because the abandonment caused her to develop a mental illness. My older daughter still needs her father, but he is self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered. I do not want retribution against him, because I don’t want to be sucked into the cycle of karma. But can I help my daughter in some way? ~Luci, Australia
ANSWER: There is no way to get another to do something they do not wish to do. This applies to both your daughter and her father. As you know the only thing of any importance to him is himself. He never wanted children, except to prove his manhood, and doesn’t see that he has any responsibility toward them.
Since he never understood what love was, he doesn’t understand why his almost adult daughter needs to have anything to do with him. Your daughter sees part of her identity as “his daughter” and feels neglected and worthless because of his rejection. He is not actively rejecting her; he just doesn’t care or even think about her.
You could help your daughter by assisting her to see that there is nothing lacking in her; it is her father who doesn’t have the maturity, or interest, to see what effects his separation causes. She needs to decide that what he can provide for her will not help her at all but only cause heartache and depression.
You can point out that his lessons this lifetime are about selfishness, and not needing another soul. He wanted to see if he could work through and discover the joy and satisfaction of working and needing others. He has not gotten anywhere near that point and probably will not in this lifetime.
Help your daughter value herself and learn what a fantastic person she is. Let her turn that sense of loss into sharing with others who will reciprocate love.