Relationship indecision

QUESTION: Masters, I’ve been dating my girlfriend for couple of years now and even though I love her as my best friend, I’ve become to realize that she is not necessarily the one I would like to marry. I have lost the passion and this pattern has happened before. I’m wondering whether I should look inside myself to maybe discover some childhood wounds that need healing, and once healed would help me become certain about my current girlfriend, or if I should just move on and approach the next relationship with more intention and certainty of what I actually want from a relationship & spouse. This is really difficult for me as there’s a lot of internal conflict. I would greatly appreciate your reflections. ~Chris, USA

ANSWER: As each soul goes through their experiences within a human body, they are ever evolving in understanding and awareness while they work through their chosen lessons. One of yours is to experience and learn to deal with various aspects of relationships and romantic love. Not all relationships, even between a male and a female, will develop into romantic love. As you say, this girlfriend is cherished as a best friend and not a potential mate.

She is not sure what the relationship is supposed to be, but believes in romantic fantasies of forever after. It is important that you create a communication that emphasizes your lack of investment in this pairing as a permanent one – that it has come to be viewed by you as a comforting, best-friend matchup.

Your loss of passion in the relationship stems from the fact that neither one of you was completely honest with the other about your desires and intentions when you began dating. Through the intervening period you have discovered that some of the initial impressions were far from what exists. You were each trying to get the union to match the expectations with which you entered into it.

Your experiences are not the result of childhood traumas but rather merely the lessons you chose. You do need to define exactly what you envision as a perfect relationship before you are going to be able to achieve one. You have freedom of choice to re-evaluate your current situation or move on to something else that you can spend more time and truthfulness developing.

The internal conflict you have results from your expectations conflicting with the facts of your situation. You create the reality you live in. Take some time and manipulate it to your standards and desires. Go into anything new with total openness and truthfulness. Don’t anticipate what you think your partner wishes to hear.