Trying to create reality for another

QUESTION: Masters two years ago the man I thought I was to spend my life with died. I continued to believe in love and met a new man, being with him for six months. He broke up with me and my heart is shattered. I thought he was the one, my chance at love again. But he doesn’t feel the same intensity I feel for him. I thought he was the one I would spend my life with, I’m not sure how to believe in love anymore. I feel emotionally drained. ~Adela, UK

ANSWER: Every soul creates their own reality, but it goes only as far as the area over which they have control. When you created your expectations about love between you and another, that shaped all your thoughts and actions but had no effect upon your intended. Every soul has total freedom of choice concerning every aspect of their life. If they choose to spend time with someone, it is their choice and it will not be dictated because the other demands it.

A truly happy relationship exists only when both parties agree to share their innermost thoughts and emotions with each other. Communication is the binding force that creates a firm union. You have always made the decisions for both of you, assuming that since you want something, they must desire it as well. You have never discussed your mutual impressions of the day-to-day necessities of a lasting relationship.

As you have started an association, you have just assumed the man will know what you want even though you do not tell him what that is. This creates an immediate tension in the relationship and makes the man believe he is not an equal part of the pair. The intensity of your conclusions concerning where the two of you are in the relationship scares the daylights out of your partner. If, from the beginning, you discussed that you are looking for a “forever union,” things would not come as such a shock to him.

You are unaware of what a romantic love really is. You have a movie rendition of happily ever after, but not a human one where partners share the bad with the good. Ask yourself if you really love who you are.  Do you think it is proper to pick out a man and then decide, without his input, that he is to be your husband? Tone down your expectations and work on establishing a sharing-style love relationship with a man who desires the same. Only by talking it out can you see if you are both seeking the same direction.