Confused and afraid

QUESTION: Masters, how can I overcome what happened to me over the past few years? How can I overcome my suicide attempt and spiritual obsession to start over and sustain my light? Everything is so confused…on my divine purpose and my mediumship, healing song and reiki, my singing, on my connection with nature, crystals, white fraternity and violet flame. Am I a lightworker? Or just a selfish, lazy manipulative trickster? How to eliminate recurring negative patterns in my life? How can I definitively no longer allow myself to be so vulnerable to the spiritual negative energies of others or the collective consciousness? I feel that everything is always in the Divine Order, even my impatience and my arrogance…all learning. I know that I am responsible for my reality and only I can change it, but I need help. Can you please give me the guidance more insightful as possible? ~Cris, Brazil

ANSWER: Get off your “poor me” platform and evaluate where you are. You have many talents and abilities, but you always want someone to tell you how good you are instead of just doing something because it feels good to you. You look to others for guidance and direction so you can say it was their idea when things don’t go as you would like. It is time to start taking responsibility for your actions.

You pick up on trends that others are following because you want to be accepted. It is easy to get caught in the negativity of others because you cling so closely to them that you cannot miss being included in the negativity when they wallow in misery. This is not being vulnerable because you seek to learn – this is getting caught on the firing line because you don’t want to miss anything.

You could be a lightworker if you were making your own choices instead of hanging on to others. You need to work at getting rid of your ego dependence on praise from others – what you call your arrogance. Other lessons include patience, starting to rely on your intuition, not being so lazy and manipulative, and accepting responsibility by exercising your freedom of choice.

You know that you create your own reality, but you don’t work at it. Start with affirmations concerning becoming independent of others’ advice. Visualize how you want to behave in your reality, what you seek to accomplish. Live only in the moment with what is observable with your own eyes. Be your own soul.