Understanding yourself

QUESTION: Masters, a recent relationship ended and I’m still conflicted about what happened even though I know I shouldn’t be because I created its ending early on. How can I refocus on myself and not on him? He continually abandoned me emotionally and mentally, eventually financially as well, all while telling me he loved me but also being abusive. I think he truly believed that he loved me and did the best for me and still blames me for everything. I had my own insecurities and fear that drove some abusive behavior on my part that I’m having trouble looking at. I’m angry at him but know that it’s not about him. ~Emilia, Canada

ANSWER: Everything that you are talking about concerns life lessons that you set up for yourself, starting with finding out who you are in this lifetime by dealing with your interpretation of yourself. You brought this relationship to yourself so that you would have material to work with in understanding some lessons.

Ask: Who am I? Why do I behave the way I do? Why did I feel the way I did about my boyfriend? Why did I allow him to treat me the way he did? Answering these questions will give you a lot of information on how you see yourself.

You are very lonely and deeply desire to be needed and loved. You will do anything to get the attention you crave, even to letting others abuse and betray you. To start a relationship, you do whatever the other person wants because you don’t have enough confidence that you are worthy of being with this person. You allow them to “make” you into their dream person. When you have been pushed sufficiently and uncomfortably into something you can’t stand, you rebel and strike back.

These lessons were never about him; they were about allowing you to see yourself. Every fear and doubt that arises in one’s life is a neon sign that a lesson lies underneath. Go looking for these signposts; start questioning how you feel about each and what it is that makes you feel that way. When you reach back into the onset of these feelings, you will see causes that you can work to understand and then release from ever affecting you again.