Analyzing situations

QUESTION: Masters I’ve got a co-worker I don’t get along with. We have different ways of communicating and for me her style feels hostile, and we constantly misunderstand each other no matter what. It’s depressing, especially when good communication is essential in my job. Plus it’s taxing to hear hints that you aren’t good enough of a worker. My boss also knows we’re not in good terms. What should I do with all this? What’s the point? How should we deal with difficult co-workers? ~Anne, Finland

ANSWER: You desperately want this person to like you, but that will never happen because she is jealous of you. She is the one who is spreading rumors about you not being a good enough worker because she knows you are sensitive and will hear about it and be devastated. She purposely “misunderstands” what you say so she can blame anything that goes wrong on your lack of communication. Her desire is for you to quit so she doesn’t have any competition.

This is a lesson for you in having faith in yourself and not listening to what others say about you. What is said can hurt you only if you let it. You know you are a great worker and have no trouble communicating with anyone besides this person. Don’t let her influence you. Your boss thinks this is just a personality conflict and that it will go away.

The more time you spend thinking and worrying about this person, the more impact it is having on you. Choose to ignore her. Be specific in your contact with her, and if she intentionally claims you have said something different from what you did, just let it go. Do not engage her in any type of conflict. If she sees she can no longer make you feel bad, she will stop all her nonsense.

Dealing with ridiculous people is mostly a matter of ignoring them and not letting them have any effect upon you. You know who you are, so don’t let her imply that you are anything else. Choose to be your own person.