Moving forward in secrecy

QUESTION: Masters, I got emotionally and intimately involved to this man for the last five months. He and I were very much alike; we talked the same language and were very compatible in many aspects. I was investing my love energy to create a committed partnership. But he kept his life too secret and after various occasions when I demanded more sincerity and openness I finally found out two days ago that he had a girlfriend and was only using me as his lover. I am devastated. Even though I have been following a spiritual path for the last three years I fell prey to
this kind of painful and shameful experience. Who was he? Was it in a contract for this life? Where did I go wrong? Have I learned the lesson? ~Daniela, Brazil

ANSWER: Whenever you enter a relationship and do everything you think the other person wants you to do – in other words, love them completely without conditions so that they will love you as you want to be loved – you are kidding yourself that anything positive will come of the union. This is your imagination trying to create what isn’t there and somehow force the other person to become who they are not – someone you have imagined.

If you want to have a beautiful romantic connection, never spend time on anyone who is not open and forthright in all your conversations. Many people like to manipulate you by telling you what you want them to and holding back their inner desires and the fact that you are merely a new conquest for them.

This man was a master manipulator who was having fun dragging you along for his own pleasure. He was totally unconcerned about your wishes or dreams. He only cared about being able to use you, and you allowed this by not getting out of your dreaming state and demanding answers because you are so desperate for love.

Following a spiritual path only means that you are living the lessons you sought and trying to understand what they mean and how to avoid the same situation again. The main part of your lesson here is to always be in the moment and aware of what is going on, not dreaming about what you want things to be and ignoring the facts you see and feel. In the moment, you would have broken off the contact immediately when he would not open up to you.