Being true and having faith in yourself

QUESTION: Masters I decided to divorce from my marriage of 5 years on the beginning of this month and I feel so right about it. Very recently I met someone, we have seen each other and I feel a strong feeling growing for him, he said he wants to be in a serious relationship again and fall in love. At the same time he says that is still taking time to open his feelings, it has been 3 years since his last serious relationship. I want him but I’m afraid of him not falling in love for me. I don’t know what to do and how to behave. When I look at his eyes and I could just say I’m in love with him, but I won’t. Please masters how can I handle this feeling and insecurity? ~Luciana, Finland

ANSWER: Be yourself; don’t do things just because you think they will please him or cause him to fall in love with you. At the same time, be honest with him and how you feel. He is stuck in the disaster of his last relationship and fears getting involved again. He is in a time warp of wanting the good things he had before and then reliving the tragedy that was his association with the other woman.

To reawaken his desire to join with another, you must give him a reason to become vulnerable to someone again. A true sharing relationship requires one to be open and truthful in all their feelings with the other. When he was open to his last companion, she used his inner feelings and fears to manipulate him and emasculate him. He needs to feel safe and not controlled.

If you are looking for a fast connection, he is not the one for you. It is going to take time for him to trust you and what you have to say. You already sense this about him, and that is why you have the insecurity and feelings that you do.

It is possible to grow into a very strong relationship with him if you do it slowly and with much communication. Encourage him to be open and truthful with you about his feelings and fears. Talk over the hesitancies you each are experiencing, and together, work out a comfortable solution.

If you truly feel for this man, don’t give up. Take the patience that it will require to make him feel secure and happy again. You both will learn and grow from this effort.