Distraught and hopeless
QUESTION: Masters I have had a lot of experiences and learned a lot from them. I have asked for light and insight, I have felt the light of creator’s love and a little insight, but still feel alone. I have tired of chasing a light in that darkness, feeling useless, scared, powerless, and without purpose. People around have seen in me just disappointment, have so much love inside and intention to help people to find their way to consciousness but I don’t know how and can’t find mine. I am tired of being unloved and without having a purpose to fight for. I had plans to kill myself soon. ~Rafael, Brazil
ANSWER: You are sabotaging your life by creating expectations, which you then interpret as not being fulfilled. You are seeking perfection within an imperfect world and blame yourself when you don’t see it happening. You also have no patience with life or yourself. Give things time – you have not been around that long.
You are basing most of your conclusions on the ego-based societal judgment system. As for the people who you feel see only disappointment in you, how do you really know what others are thinking? You are not inside their head. And any disappointment you have is an expectation of things that may not have had sufficient time to come to completion.
Turn that love you have inside toward yourself. You don’t love yourself or you would be ecstatic at all the things you have experienced and done. To whom do you feel useless? You have no obligation to anyone but yourself. Fear is a normal state in a human – that is how they determine what lessons they had chosen for their life. It gives you the opportunity to charge right into them and understand so you can move on.
Helping others will not make them automatically love you. You should do things for others because you love to do them, not for any return you might receive. You need to push away the negativity that has gotten you into this depression. Go inside to your connection with your core unconditional love, which is always there waiting for you. Love yourself for these difficult times and turn all things into positive experiences. You have total freedom of choice, but don’t give up on yourself so easily.