Examining feelings of another’s love

QUESTION: Masters, my flatmate found herself a boyfriend – good for her! The man is kind and a bit shy, but every time he visits our home I get very anxious. It’s difficult to be at home when he’s around. Am I being too sensitive, too territorial or too judgmental? Is there anything I can do to help myself feel better whenever he’s here? I fear this becomes a big issue between me and my friend. ~Sanni, Finland

ANSWER: Your anxiety comes from a fear of the future. You have been more at peace with this flatmate than at any other time in your life. You sense that if her affair gets more intense, she will be leaving you and your world will fall apart.

When he is not around you can ignore the possibilities, but when he is there it is living proof of the potential change. You also envy the aura you sense around your friend. Their love is a true and pure love that anyone would desire and all are able to feel. Your sensitivity enables you to put yourself in your flatmate’s position and drink in the love. But then you realize it is not your life but someone else’s.

This has nothing to do with territorial feelings or being judgmental. If any judgment is coming into play, it is your being disappointed with yourself that you have not been able to find a similar available mate. The best thing you can do in this situation is find a mate, or at least a new bunch of acquaintances with whom you can spend time and share a mutual sense of love.